You really coming over, don't trick.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
