OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
two words: eviction party
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
