i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
now i know why i became what i already was.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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