WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
