he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
