I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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