The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
