shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
