i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
