I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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