I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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