You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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