she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
