New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
