I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
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In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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