i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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