I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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