i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize