ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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