im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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