Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
