stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
