This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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