did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
