You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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