Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
