Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
