...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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