Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
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You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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