Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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