woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There's always time for handjobs
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
