i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
