The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
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No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
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You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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