I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
it glows. i had to have it.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
