Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
