New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
