shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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