Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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