We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
