Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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