You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
