Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
