So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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