I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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