When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
