just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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