Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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