evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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