honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
