i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
