Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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