I am spending my child support on dildos
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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