Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
