so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
