I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
