the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
