College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
