This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
