Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?