just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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