turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
