I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
