I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Alive.
So much puke
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
