That's intense
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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