Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
